addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
