she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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