He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
