Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
