So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
