dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
