i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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