i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you had me at cake vodka
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
