How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
