Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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