McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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