I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
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