My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
