all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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