We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
