forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
