I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i wish my penis had a tongue
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
