I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
