In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
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My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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