she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
