He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
