apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
