The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
