I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
