I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just google imaged poop.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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