Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
