Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
