I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize