South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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