I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
