i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
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I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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