Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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