i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
