32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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