I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
