he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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