i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
