Where is the hickey?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
