Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
