Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
