Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
