Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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