Dual....:-)
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
