At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
