She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
