then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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