i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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