i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
