I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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