I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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