I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
