So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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