i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
