Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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