32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
