I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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