yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
