just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
