Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
