I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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