Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
