the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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