did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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