and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
