Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I love having hate sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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