i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
