so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
bring money and cleavage
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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