Got a toothbrush?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
