I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How naked do you want me to be?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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