I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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