Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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