Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
