i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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