Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
